Mitigating Circumstances

My tutor thinks I should fill out a mitigating circumstances form. My initial thoughts are as follows:

1.I might have had a bad term,but lupus is part of my life.
I am training ti be a doctor,I will always have lupus.When I begin to work as a doctor can I use my condition as an excuse for underperformance? Probably not,so why should I use it now

2.Did I really miss that much stuff?
Exams have not yet happened,how could she think I am at risk of failing? Eeeek!!! am I destined to fail??

3.It would be nice to have a back up plan.
If I fail,at least I wont automatically be kicked out of medical school.I have worked really hard to get this far so I should do everything in my power to protect my place at medical school.I didn't ask to be ill,so I sorta deserve a break.

I can choose if I want to apply for mitigating circumstances,however at the end of the day it is up to the university to decide if I should get them.

I appreciate having the choice,even if it brings problems of its own.I do not really know what to do at the moment,so if you have any thoughts please post them in the comments section.

The Fear

Its exam time and I am terrified.

My medical school has one end of year exam that determines weather or not we will graduate with honours. I have been studying my little socks off. Despite trying my best  still  feel woefully unprepared.

I think I have some perfectionistic tendencies,so just passing is not enough.I want a high grade. The problem is in medicine,every one is smart, so the high grades go to the ultra hard workers,or the super smart mutants.

I am neither of these, then there is the small minor detail that I missed a fair chunck of last term.


Thankfully there is a sensible part to my brain that says



This is what I find useful
1. Get out of your house/dorm.
Go to a library. The distraction of home comforts won’t be there and it will get you into a working mindset.  Also it’s nice to go home to relax, and have a change of scene,before doing more work.I get really bored and unmotivated if I stay in one place for too long

2. Study with a buddy
A problem shared is a problem halved.One of the best ways to understand things is to discuss them with a friend.I personally only like to study with 2-3 people,but you may like larger groups. Nominate someone to direct the conversation so as not to go off topic,  you will find it is a great way of sharing information and filling gaps in your knowledge.

3. Think of the future/the past.
Imagine yourself in your dream job. The next phase of your life is going to be so much fun, you just need to get these exams done and dusted.If the future seems so far away,just think of how far you have come,if you got this far,surely you can go a bit further.

4.Study Hard
Use your study leave for the biggest ‘cramathon’ of your life. Don’t give up so close to the end. Keep re-reading notes and practising exam questions. Some of it will stick in your brain eventually. You’ll also feel more confident going into the exams than if you hadn't looked at anything the two weeks before.

Thanks for reading to the end of this post,here is a video to drive the point home

You know your a medical student when..

1.Your grandmother thinks you are addicted to porn because watch anatomy videos in darkness,with the curtains drawn, and rush to turn them off when someone enters the room

2.Holidays no longer exist,

3.Sling shots in toy stores remind you of antibodies

4.Your mother asks you where something is and you respond with....distal to the fridge,and superior to the table

5.Dreaming you are a red blood cell traveling from, the heart to you little finger, is normal

6.You struggle to smalltalk with your friends of friends but have no trouble asking a total stranger about their bowel habits.

7.Staying in bed till 7.30am is a luxury

8.You have been drawing sections on your abdomen,and you actualy get ill and have to see a real doctor,who finds at least 4 mistakes

9.During exam time, washing up is a low priority,so cereal is eaten in a mug 

10.The post man comes to the door and you automatically say "Hello, would you mind confirming,your name date of birth and the first line of your address"

Medicine is consuming my life,but I am enjoying it

Coming to terms with my own mortality

This post is about my faith...if are not a very religious person, feel free to skip this.

The drugs I was taking to manage the side my lupus completely destroyed my platelets. Platelets are essential for forming blood clots, I was bruising easily, I damaged a few blood vessels in my eye and felt poorly.Doctors said that I could die,and it was a good time to call my family.

These are my thoughts from around that time.I wrote them down to make sense ,but its never been the right time to share it.I was reminded of this post when my platelet count fell again,my counts are low,but being managed.


I spent hours studying for an anatomy spot test,I watched all the videos,spent extra time in the dissection room,wrote notes and done it again.I teach Sunday school,volunteer with homeless people and refugees,and I have a part time job saving money to enable me to work on mercy ships once I qualify.What is the point? I have lived my entire life striving to do what is right, trying to learn, trying to be more Christ like. And for what! 

 Now it will all be wasted, my skills will never be used. I have so much left to give and it kills me that I can't deliver. I have never been content just being, I want to be doing. But maybe that is the lesson that God has been trying to teach me my whole life. 

I need to be a Human Being not a Human Doing. Maybe, the only lesson He has been trying to teach me is that He loves me and wants to be and rest in Him. I am dispensable. God's will and His plan will prevail regardless because His power is made perfect in our weakness. Being human means I am not content with being weak, it bothers me that I cant sit up for long amounts of time,or see properly.I am not enjoying this ,but I will try to accept it.

Why can''t I be a part of the vision to come; I feel so robbed, so let down, so cheated. I don't know what is happening and  it hurts intensely. But then, it all comes back to towing that line of tension of trust and submission, despite the outcome. Faith and hope comes from knowing that God has saved us for eternity; not from death in this life. If there is one thing that would bring joy to my heart, it would be to know that this simple truth has been engraved on your heart also. There is only one God; in all situations, turn towards Him.


Its Easter holidays,my platelet counts are low again,but this time I am not as bothered,I seem to be filled with serenity.Getting better would be great,but if my condition deteriorates then my views are the same as they where before.

Fainting

I rarely faint, but since I was unwell I had my first few medical school related faints.Before this year I have never fainted in medical school!

I am one of the least squeamish people around, The more blood there is more interested I become. Being squeamish is not a reason not to study medicine. It might make anatomy and surgery more challenging but it is nothing that can't be overcome.

The first time I fainted was in anatomy.I would not recommend fainting in front of 90+ class mates. When I recovered, I was initially disorientated, but mainly embarrassed. No one mentioned anything after the fact. so my year group is:
a) very professional
b)embarrassed on behalf of me

The second time I fainted was when I stood up to leave the lecture theatre, I managed to get as far as down the stairs, and as soon as I reached the front, i fainted in full view of everyone. My lecturer was so nice, she bought me hot chocolate and sat with me for half an hour. It took me half an hour to convince her I was well enough to be left alone.

When I fainted after the lecture, none of my friends came to check on me.I know I go on about trying to appear strong, but its polite to check on your friend if they faint. I cried(I was ill and feeling overs sensitive) because this was the final straw.

So, now I have said all that , i suppose I should tell you how to avoid fainting.

1. Add sugar.
Its so important to keep your blood glucose levels up. All ways have breakfast, or you will only have yourself to blame if you faint whilst a nurse is inserting a cannula. Eat a small snack before going to gross anatomy. If the thought of anatomy makes your appetite vanish, at least force your self to eat a few jelly beans.

2.Stay well hydrated
Dehydration lowers blood volume slightly. Reduced blood volume leads to a decrease in blood pressure. Low blood pressure makes you more likely to faint. So please stay well hydrated.

3.Don't let blood pool in your legs
Standing still can make you faint, (ever seen soldiers fainting on parade).If you have to stand still for a long time ,tense calves, thighs and buttocks (in that order). This will get  blood flowing around and it can help a bit. 

If none of that has worked..


4.Leave,escape the situation
If something is upsetting you, turn around or close you eyes,sometimes ecaping the situation is all you need to do.
If possible leave the area, get some fresh air, or try to sit down.No one has time to babysit the medical student so if your in theatre or in dissection, move away from the tables ans sharp edges.

                                                                                                                                                                 

Try not to faint, but if you do its not the end of the world

How to get the most out of Primary Care Placements

I spent 10 weeks in a small GP practise. Primary Care is not something I would like to go into, but in medical school you sometimes have to do things that do not interest you.

1. Do a bit of research before hand.
Find out the demographics of the catchment area. All patients are individuals, but I fell I benefited greatly by finding out the following
-Age distribution-The place I was located was a popular retirement area,and there for most of the patients I saw where over 65.
-What culture is most prevalent- Different cultures have different attitudes to health care,and you may need to be aware of this if
-Location-being late for appointments is never cool. My placement was in the middle of nowhere with only hourly buses. Even the patients had difficulty getting to their practise, so they would only come to the surgery if very ill, and returning to collect prescriptions was a no-no

2.Plan how to achieve the learning outcomes
At my medical school we have books that need to be signed off. If the doctor you are shadowing is not used to having medical students you may need to tell them this.Some doctors like signing things off as they are completed, whilst others prefer to sign things off on the last day Unless its stated in your book, always ask.As a student you must take responsibility for your learning.

3.Try to make what ever you are doing relevant to your studies.
As you progress with your course the ability to link things together will be invaluable.Taking endless blood pressures day in and day out can get boring and tedious. To make it slightly more bearable, I decided to teach myself about the drugs used to treat blood pressure.This tied in with my pharmacology module.
Last year on the wards, I took an interest in patient nutrition as it tied in with my module on human nutrition.

4.Ask all the time
Most people want to help you learn. If you want to know more about something just ask a staff member when they don't seem to busy.
Sometimes doctors forget how little students know, so they give incomplete instructions.If you do not understand what to do it is better to ask a question,than to make a mistake

5. Try to reflect regularly during your placement.
I know reflection is a word that medical students are not fond of. I used to think reflection is a waste of time, but I now find it very valuable.For the foreseeable future reflective writing will be part of life, so you may as well get used to it.
What you write does not have to be detailed, its more important that you do something.  If you notice something that could have been better, or you witness someone doing something really well, try to write 150 words or more about it.

January Term

I don't usually like snails, but I find the shells very interesting.

What I find interesting about it is the intricate spiral pattern.

I don't like  hate going round in circles. lately is seems like I've already faced a particular trial and now I'm back here again. I suppose some people have looked at the snail and immediately thought of its less than pleasant slime, i saw something different today.

With every rotation the shell shines and glimmers a little different each time.
With every rotation the shell shines and glimmers a little different each time.  Perhaps the same can be said for the events of this life - even though I have been here before there will be something new, something beautiful, to see amongst the disgusting slime.


My lupus for most of the part is silent, but when I do have a flare its near impossible to ignore. My lovely doctors  treated me with some rather strong drugs and as a result I suffered from severe Thrombocytopenia*. I did not pay attention to the details because I was too tired and achey.  but from a patients point of view it went something like

Doctor:Your body is attacking you and your organs could fail, you need to take these drugs
Doctor: Things are improving go home and take it easy
Doctor: You have no platelets, and your white blood cells are low, it could be a medicine side effect or you have cancer
Doctor: I hereby sentence you to 18 months of monitoring and lumbar punctures.

As scary as it was being in hospital gave me time to reflect. I guess what I realised was that each trial or difficulty I have faced has built up my faith so that I can look back and know that if God has got me through A B and C, which have increased in intensity, in the past then He will get me through X Y and Z in the future.  But, it does make me wonder if this could be building up to a bigger test of faith!  (eeek!)

I was in hospital for  13 days and spent the rest of the time at home feeling miserable and exhausted. Studying medicine does have its advantages though, I was able to escape the ward and attend lectures because it was close enough.

Now, before you think I am an ultra committed medschool gunner/geek, STOP!! Hospital wards are boring, and staying there for any length of time would drive even the calmest person up the wall. Pride also played a part, I do everything in my power to avoid people noticing I am ill. Showing vulnerability  but skipping too many classes in my medical school is not the best idea. 

*Thrombocytopenia=low platelet count. Having to few platelets affects your blood's ability to clot

This past term has been very difficult, hence why I have not bloged at all. I am sorry I am on vacation now, so I will use this time to catch up with my blog posts.